“Men . . . can still be sexy while they grow older, while women grow old and ugly!”
—Violet, played by Meryl Streep in August: Osage County
Recently, on the Golden Globes, Diane Keaton appeared onstage looking the epitome of agelessly beautiful, but almost immediately after, a L’Oreal commercial appeared showing Diane with all her wrinkles air-brushed away. Naturally, this stark juxtaposition led to an outcry.
Much of the issue is obviously the false advertising, but to me, the larger issue is the insult to women, especially women 50+.
Studies show that 84% of women feel misunderstood by marketers, who are out of touch with what real woman want and need, how they see themselves, and how they want to see themselves.
Many women certainly do want to look more youthful, but this is not the end-all, be-all of how we define ourselves and what beauty means. I personally strive more for vibrant agelessness, rather than completely erasing all my markers of aging and the hard-earned years of wisdom and experience they represent. We are individuals, and we live in reality. Showing us an unattainable and obviously unrealistic image of how we should look to be beautiful ignores how beautiful women already are, ignores that true beauty embraces the whole woman across the life span.
Our skin, our wrinkles, our hair, gray or colored, our glow, our health, our spirituality, our intelligence, our hard-earned wisdom and accomplishment, our stories are three-dimensional and individual. Ageless Beauty is about embracing and enhancing who we are, not being shown an impossible and outdated standard of who we should be.
Marketers, and society as a whole, need to understand that we no longer wish to be told that aging is something we need to be against (if we ever wished this). The age of Anti-Aging is long over. Agelessness—of body, mind, and soul—and Age-Friendly—marketing, products, communities—are the next (r)evolution in our conversation about aging, for all ages and stages.
This does not mean that women do not want products and therapies that enhance our beauty or combat aging. What it means is that on their own, they are not enough. We also want to feel the beautiful and ageless inside and out. We want products that are not “anti” who we are but that encompass who we can be, holistically.
We are seeing the shift already in more strong ageless women owning their place on the silver screen: Meryl Streep takes on the complex character of Violet in August: Osage County, a self-described truth-teller who at one point monologues about how women all get less attractive with age, an ironic character considering the actress herself is a quintessential ageless beauty.
We are all-too-gradually seeing more strong ageless women in leadership, and rapidly at the helm of business. Some companies we’d least expect are recognizing the need for multigenerational “legacy” marketing, such as Cover Girl, with 55-year-old Ellen DeGeneres as their new spokeswoman.
This conversation is already taking place on the silver screen, among women, and around the kitchen table. It’s high time it took place around the boardroom table in companies marketing to women, as well as those who should start.
Ageless women are strong, multifaceted, individual, and real. They control the largest percentage of purchasing power in this country. Ageless women are the future. Businesses that do not recognize and respect who they really are will soon be a thing of the past.
Fantastic post Karen! You said all the things I say to myself and others about the refusal from the world to respect women and the aging process that is unique to females.
Aging in women is not not a virus that needs to be attacked and or destroyed. Heck, it is a reality and a little help to assist us to do it with grace would be a move in the right direction from a cosmetic perspective.
In the meantime we can love and approve of ourselves no matter the age and do all the things that keep us healthy, vibrant, and looking good at any age!
Live your light!
Lyndah
Means so much that you reached out. I don’t know if you have these moments, but after writing you wonder who will read my words today, or will my thoughts just drift into the ethers? Yes we have to own this truth about our ageless beauty first, then reflect it to/with each other…then the world will too. And if the world doesn’t at least we know we women know the truth:) Thanks again, and let’s keep on keepin’ on. And do return often please:) Karen
Wow! Karen. I wish young girls could see this and know how truly wonderful they are and that holding themselves to the standards of our marketers is just not possible. I watched a video recently of a real size 4 woman in her underwear – she was beautiful – but what they did to her to market that picture left the magazine ready photo not even recognizable as the original woman. They elongated her neck and legs – made her eyes and lips bigger – made her skin flawless – every where they could change her they did. Unbelievable. I often have to remind myself of this as I look at magazines or see commercials. I want to embrace more fully who I am as a 40’ish woman. I have a young daughter so I have to be especially cognizant of telling her how strong and fit she looks rather than how skinny she is or how great she looks. I am on the watch at all times of uplifting her in a way that she can recognize her own self worth at the forefront of who she is not her looks – which is hard because she is truly gorgeous. This isn’t just coming from a mother’s perspective – she gets told this all the time. So, my job is to love myself and to teach her the same. Thank you for this. It is quite inspiring.
Dawn
Dawn thanks for your words, and for taking the time to reach out. My daughter’s name is Dawn too, and she has a 4yr old daughter who I adore as well. Both of them are constant reminders as to why I do what I do for, about, and with women of every age and stage!:) So I’m right there with you! Its hard sometimes, especially after having kids, then later as we enter menopause…our bodies shift as they are meant too…yet we don’t get the acknowledgement and appreciation from marketers et al for our miraculous bodies. Our deep inner feminine beauty truly shines vibrantly through from the inside out, not the other way around. So bravo for you to “get” this knowing now, it will serve you well as you move through your life course. Your daughter is so fortunate to have you to reflect back to her who she is and is becoming because of how you hold your own sense of being a total woman, not a cyborg type of perfected woman. As I head into my 70th yr. on the planet there are those days when I’d like some lifts, tucks and elongating would help!:)) Still, I cherish that I earned these wrinkles, the drooping parts, and the right to own my beauty! And yes I’d love this message to reach girls and women whatever her age or stage. Please keep this conversation going in your own way in your life. Again, thank you for YOU are inspiring me!:) Karen
Karen, as I reflect upon your thoughtful post, I am re-thinking the meaning of some common expressions–often well-intended expressions. Now I realize that underlying them is the assumption that aging–or even physical “differences” in young people–are deficits. You use a great word for this: they are “anti-“. Examples include “young at heart,”and “beautiful on the inside.”
There also some expressions that (I think) send unfortunate mixed messages. “She has an old soul” refers to a wise young person and seems to assume that wisdom in youth is rare (although, being 54, I can see that age and experience can increase one’s wisdom:). “She has brains and beauty, too,” can imply that this particular pairing is rare.
None of these expressions sits well with me. Thanks to your post, I finally see why. They are all “anti-.”
You’ve given me a refreshing and heartening alternative: “Beauty is ageless;” and “continue the conversation” imply equality (and embrace variety) from the outset. No particular status or condition starts out superior. At 54 and counting, I feel that my playing field is level and always will be, even if some in society don’t–yet!
Now that I no longer need to start from a place of justifying myself, I’m ready to “continue the conversation.”
Please keep spreading the word!