Have you ever asked yourself: Am I an imposter or the “real deal”? So many of my high-flying clients have asked just that question. Telling the truth is a hard thing to do. So sometimes we don’t. Instead, we push things out of our view, sweep them neatly under the carpet. It’s especially easy (even a sanity-saver) in environments that do not support our well-being, much less our greatness. But the universe acts quickly, giving us evidence that when we fail to tell the truth as fast as we can, breakdown results. It’s quite apparent in today’s headlines—continuing proof of process breakdown and an impending system implosion.
But life is too fleeting to feed this dragon. Like the mythical heroes and goddesses of old, Ulysses and Inanna before us, we have come to a crossroads in our lives and in our time. If we are to transform the dragon, we must first tame it with honesty and truth-telling, and do so as fast as we can.
If our home fires fan deceit and denial, how can we expect to find the truth elsewhere? No wonder so many of us are unhappy about what we do and whom we’re with, or not with. To live the life we are meant to live—to be the change we want to see—we have to take a reality check to be sure we are telling ourselves the truth about our personal lives, our workplace and business, our economy, our globe.
The truth is that when we are out of sync anywhere in our life and work, e.g., not being truthful with ourselves, we go out of whack. Our soul starves. Thirsty for more, we drive ourselves to succeed over the top, only to find that the treasure at the end of the rainbow doesn’t fill us.
Some of us still don’t believe we deserve our success. Instead, we do everything in our power to self-sabotage. We choose not to start telling the truth, but to live by rules that aren’t our own, always trying to live somebody else’s truth.
Sooner or later, the signs of breakdown start to show up. Feels impossible to focus. Moving so fast you don’t get a chance to feel. Like any addiction, craving the stimulation. Never enough. Yet the message you are getting is that you are losing the verve, your edge seems to be dulling, nothing gets you going anymore.
The Sham Syndrome is especially common for all of us high achievers, so it’s important to check in with ourselves. This is especially true for women who were raised with high expectations for their achievements. A sure burn-out scenario in the making!
I hear way too many of my clients and cohorts finding they got blinded by success intoxication and missed the right turns. Some self-sabotaged by not telling the truth of who they really are, others by not staying in sync with what actually matters. When any of us fly too close to the sun, like the mythical Icarus, we get burned to a crisp.
In all the stories I hear, it’s always when we don’t listen to our own truth, nor tell it as fast as we can, that we dance with disaster. It takes both the facts and your inner knowing of your truth to make really conscious choices.
So many times I hear folks saying they don’t know what they want. Yet we have all the info we need, internally, to make most of our decisions. Most of us just haven’t learned to trust ourselves enough to tell the truth quickly.
Sometimes our truth scares others. It’s not intentional—we just want to keep growing and going. At times telling that truth is so hard and the risks seem insurmountable. Whenever I find myself holding back my truth by not fully expressing myself, I remind myself that time is flying by. With each new natural disaster, cutting political loss, or economic downturn, our innocence is ripped away all in a flash, leaving us confronted with the notion that all we truly have is the “now”. We are reminded of this again with all we have gone through since the start of the pandemic. So many lives have been lost and everyone lost out on time with loved ones. The global collective went through a trauma, but also a great transformation.
Yet it’s so easy to forget to focus on the present when we get caught up in the hubbub of our lives. But when we stop to acknowledge this, and to consider the enormous potential we have, it’s no surprise that this is the biggie truth that needs to drive all of us. Holding onto my purpose, the contributions I can make to the urgent needs of the world, is what fuels me and keeps my juices pumping.
More often than not, we think that if we just don’t tell the whole truth we can avoid the expected static or making waves. We convince ourselves that if we can just fly under the radar we’ll get by unscathed. I learned all too young that waves of change come when you least expect it, so taking a real good look at your world and mine is mandatory. We must start with ourselves, over and over again, telling the truth as fast as we can.
When you find yourself unsure about a certain person or situation, or you’re unable to make a clear choice, try this tried and true “truth verifier”. No matter where you are, take a moment to center yourself. When you are ready, visualize a traffic light in your mind’s eye. See the red, yellow, and green darkened lights. Without rushing, ask yourself how you should proceed. Then wait to see which light shines bright. If yellow goes on, best not make any choice or proceed just yet. If it turns red, best get out of there. But if green lights up, step on the pedal and go for the on-ramp. Keep track of your results.
As we prepare our resolutions for the New Year, ask yourself: how can you apply more truth-telling in your life?
Photo by Caroline Veronez via Unsplash
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